This is My Story: Weight Loss Journey Edition [9/15/13]

#MyStoryMyWay

The following photos represent me when I weighed 170 pounds. At that time, I was the smallest that I had ever been, in my entire life. Since I can remember, I have been overweight, with excess belly fat, a bigger body frame and bigger breast than the other adolescent girls around me. Then I joined my High School Cheer Leading Squad and everything changed.

As a Cheerleader, we often ran practice with the Foot Ball Players. Cheerleading Practice was 5 - 6 days a week and we often had "Two-a-Days"(practice twice a day). Naturally, my metabolism sped up, I shed a lot of pounds and I grew fond of exercise. Actually, the truth is that I grew fond of the attention I got and the acceptance I felt, due to the improvement of my aesthetics. For me, back then, working out and losing weight had nothing to do with being healthy, it was ALL about looking good and fitting in with my peers.

Pictures from left to right: first picture is me before cheer leading and picture two is after cheer leading.

And yes, in addition to becoming physically attractive, I felt great and had so much energy! I was on top of the world, but I was not satisfied and I wanted to be smaller, I wanted to weigh less and look prettier. You see, I was always the chubby kid, the overweight friend or the funny overweight family member in the room. Despite the appearance of a healthy level of self-esteem, the teasing from my family and friends really got to me. In addition to the teasing, I was an impressionable teenager as most teens are, so the female representation of beauty in the media really affected my self - esteem. I wanted to be accepted as beautiful by those people who thought being overweight was synonymous with being unattractive. The sad reality is that I allowed their words to make me feel ugly. I felt physically inadequate and I would look in the mirror and only see imperfections.

Then for a long time, I became obsessed with transforming my body. After high school was over and I went to college, I invested in a personal trainer. Unfortunately, college life, as well as, other things got in the way, so the training ended before any real changes could take effect on my body. Despite the progress I made through Cheer Leading and Personal Training, the weight started to come back. Fortunately, the weight came back slowly.

But, now it seems that out of nowhere, I have become this obese and out of shape individual. My confidence level is at an all-time low as I take a look in the mirror and I see a 240-pound woman, with high cholesterol and on the verge of diabetes. Once again, I am back to looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but imperfections. I despise the way I look and I desire to reclaim my body back. Full disclosure: even when I was at my smallest, I wanted to be smaller, But right now, I would give anything to go back to how I use to look. Ironic, huh?

This time there is something I know that I did not know nor did I accept before. My body is simply not built to be a size two and you know, what? That is ok! Also, looking better is a by-product of losing weight, but aesthetics should not be the main focus of losing weight. I have to admit that I still can not believe that I managed to lose so much weight. I loved how I looked, I enjoyed the attention I got and I felt strong, ready to tackle the day, every morning.

But that was then, this is now and here I am, weighing in at 240 pounds, busting out of my clothes and too ashamed to purchase new clothes. How did I get here and what am I going to do about it? The real question is, what will I do about it THIS time, cuz this Weight Loss Game ain't nothing new to me. But, I am so tired of this stupid game based on superficial and shallow values. So, I am now in the pursuit of a lifestyle change that will aid me in living a healthy and wonderful life. Follow me as I embark on this journey, that is not merely about the cosmetic or the artificiality of external beauty, but also about reclaiming my health and living an abundant life. 

This time my main focus is to get fit and stay fit for life! This is my weight loss journey, this is my story, but let us do it together. Until next time,

Thank You for reading!